How can I say goodbye, when all I want to do is say hello? How can I smile, when all I want to do is cry? How can I be so angry, when I know you are at peace? How can I breathe when every breath has deserted me? Yesterday brought home the finality of our situation, and whilst there is anger and pain in my every pore, seeing you one last time, I knew you were at peace. Not once did you complain about pain, but I could see it in your eyes – the Ninja was sticking his knives in and giving them one last twist. Your blog has had more of an impact than you will ever know. It has helped others who find themselves on a similar path. It is your legacy, and one of which I am incredibly proud. Thank you to everyone who took the time to share our brief journey. Thank you for the love which has been showered upon us. Thank you for caring…… Goodbye my love – I miss you.
Author: julie291
GIVE ME A HUG!
The long trip back from Australia was the culmination of 2 weeks that felt like 4. Having travelled the length of the continent, spent precious time with family and friends, worked hard and enjoyed the odd glass of wine or ten, the best part of it all was the smile on Carlos’s face as I walked through the door yesterday afternoon!!!
My heart melted,the tears tumbled, and the kisses were warm, but the opportunity to hold him in my arms, albeit gently, was magical. Never underestimate the power of a hug! We all need them from time to time, and now is my time. And no, “virtual hugs” just don’t quite match up to the real thing, but I’ll happily accept them anyway 🙂
SEE YOU SOON!
Life is a journey. It’s one hell of a roller-coaster of highs, lows and everything in between. But we all know that – we have all experienced part of the ride, and some have gone loop the loop more times than they care to remember. Each journey is special and unique, which is why we keep getting back on, even when we think we’ve had enough.
So, this morning I said goodbye for 2 weeks. 15 days in fact. A tearful, emotional parting, but one that made me realise once again why I am still on that ride, even though it terrifies me, as roller coasters always have.
Carlos told me that when I am back, we will pick up where we left off this morning. He will be there to bring a smile to my face as he has done every day for the past 3 years. He will make me laugh, make me cry, and make me a better driver (ask him about that!)
And I will be back again to nag him and make sure he is eating (he is going to cringe at that comment!!) to bring a smile to his face, and make him realise that we’ve still got some good living and loving ahead of us.
He will be there when I get back, because he promised – and he has never broken his promises to me – ever!
See you soon XXXX
DO I KNOW YOU?
Look left, look right, look up, look down. Under no circumstances make eye contact. To do so may result in an extremely uncomfortable encounter for all parties concerned. Do not speak to, smile, or acknowledge those around you – the consequences may be dire. Any form of bodily contact is frowned upon, and should this occur, withdraw immediately for fear of contamination. Don’t speak above a whisper, if indeed you need to speak at all. Read, message or listen – there are enough external distractions to rescue you from potential engagement. Such is the existence of the London commuter.Or any global workday traveller for that matter.
And yet at some point in our lives, we have all been strangers. Even at birth, we are a stranger to our own families, never knowing if we are going to “Like” them, or vice versa. No guarantees of everlasting love or even tolerated compatibility.
So how is it that sometimes we connect with an individual or group of people who are ready to open their hearts and their homes, let us into their lives, genuinely care and support us, when we haven’t even met? As human beings, what makes us open to receiving that compassion from complete strangers? Why should they care what happens to us? And why do we care, that they care?
Over the past couple of months, since the Ninja entered our lives, I have been deeply touched by the kindness of strangers. As Carlos struggled with the steps at Paddington station, a fellow commuter took just 2 minutes of her day to ask the guard for a chair where he could rest, touched my shoulder and gave me a knowing look that said she too had experienced the pain that she witnessed in my eyes. A brief moment in her otherwise busy day that left a lasting impression.
The twenty-something girl at Madrid airport who provided wheelchair assistance was just doing her job, and yet the look she gave me was full of compassion, and dare I say pity, as she saw him struggle to get into the chair, walking stick in hand, shoulders hunched and face stricken. As I walked a few paces behind, she constantly looked back to see if I was OK, not because she was expecting a tip, as they are forbidden, but because I suspect that she too had experienced the pain that she witnessed in my eyes.
So today, after a meeting of the strangers who have embraced us on Facebook, a group of people are no longer strangers. We have crossed that boundary and forged a tangible bond. We made contact. We shook hands, we kissed,we laughed, and some shed a few tears, as our virtual friends became a reality.
They are no longer complete strangers, no longer someone that we try and avoid walking into in the street, no longer someone that we ignore should they speak. Will we see them all again? Who knows. But the fact is, they cared enough to make the trek to a country restaurant for a lunch in Carlos’s honour, and for that reason I am grateful. As I am grateful for those around the world who have rallied to our support in so many ways.
Do I now know them? Not well at all. But hopefully some will take yet more of their valuable time to become less of a stranger as all friendships need a beginning.
IT’S ALL IN THE STARS
Say what you want, hear what you want, believe what you want – a part of me believes that there is something in the stars, and I have a curiosity when it comes to human behaviour and whether it can in part be attributed to their star sign.
Carlos is a Sagittarian and I am a Scorpian (OK, settle down, we “Scorps” are not as bad as you’d like to believe!) and his daughter Jessica has her birthday 2 days after mine. Despite the 30 year age gap (give or take a year) there are synergies between us, and an unspoken understanding that we are probably dealing with this situation in a very similar way. A bit like M&M’s, we have a hard protective coating on the outside to protect us from the elements, but once you bite into us, we start to melt! The good news is, there is more than one to a packet, so we keep on providing that feel good factor to help brighten Carlos’s day.
Jess brings a smile to his face, and tears to his eyes, and you just have to look at him to know how proud he is of her, and despite the physical distance, how close they are. Their chameleonic features see them looking like two peas in a pod at times, and at others, Jess is the image of her mother Annika.
Her weekend visit was way too short, but as I said to Jess, it is all about quality and not quantity – her father’s philosophy during this journey. Please, please, please make that your thought for the day, because I have learned to embrace that mantra, and have made it my promise to Carlos.
MY NINJA ! 